Murphy's Law: The Naked Bavarian

Murphy’s law state’s that “anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.” . As with many things in life, it can be argued that perception is relative to he or she who is perceiving. Indeed a meteor did not come hurling in from space to annihilate me on the trail, but it could have, and by the end of this race I may have welcomed it. So maybe we should restate the law as “anything relevant that can go wrong, will go wrong.”

The Naked Bavarian

McCalcium and I drove out to the Reading area the night before (in style in the sweet Toyota Sienna using as many of the 23 cup holders as we could). Side note, if you ever book a hotel that has a field to enter special request, DO NOT pass up on that opportunity. Once in Tucson, AZ I got a Best Western to put a framed picture of Val Kilmer on my nightstand. I humbly requested the Fairfield Inn place a picture of Justin Beiber on McCalcium’s night stand. They kind of didn’t disappoint. He got this (I don’t know what they meant by it).

I'm not up on current celebrity going ons. So I have no idea what this means

I was slightly miffed because the idea of Ellen watching over me as I drift off to sleep, is quite frankly, awesome, and not the same effect the Beibs would have had. Still my thanks to the staff at Fairfield for playing along. A late night dinner of pasta and we were ready to hit the trails running. Some stomach issues had me up from about 3:00 AM until we left, but I felt pretty solid by race time.

Being a 20 miler I decided to fill two bladders with water and Tailwind. However, upon reaching the race, I realized that one of the two bladders was leaking profusely and was rendered useless. I was pretty certain it was mine since the Commander had never mentioned an issue with hers and I knew I had issues with mine in the past. So I dumped mine and carried on with hers. If one of the knights from Indiana Jones and the last Crusade had been there to watch me, he would have said “he chose poorly”.

"He chose poorly"

Turns out it was the commander’s water bladder that was the problem. Big time. From the start, I had a nice steady cooling trickle of tailwind running down my back and soaking me right through my undies. A mile in and I knew this was not going to be good. So I made a fateful decision and tossed my bag, deciding to rely on just the hydration provided by the aid stations. Another side note, after getting to the van post-race, I discovered my bladder was sitting full of Tailwind and not leaking at all.

This trail race was AWESOME! Let me state that first and foremost. A lollipop course set along Blue Marsh Lake, the mostly single track trails brought us through woods and fields showcasing much of the late winter beauty that eastern PA has to offer. And its wind! All 30 miles per hour of it! Aid stations were strategically placed every 3.5 miles and they were well stocked with water, Gatorade, food and candy. Many, many thanks to the race director and the army of volunteers that kept us all going at those aid stations.

An excellent lollipop course in eastern PA

A slight pain began to manifest in my left foot early on but nothing so bad that I couldn’t just completely ignore it. If you want to partake in endurance running, one must be comfortable with suffering. So on I went. By the time I entered the loop portion of the race I was feeling fine, and had actually settled into a decent pace and was chatting it up with some runners along the way. What turned out to be the most challenging hill was about halfway through the race. I would argue that its three false summits made it more of a mental than physical challenge to overcome. There is nothing like reaching the top, being proud of your achievement, only to look up and have the hill bitch slap you back to reality. And then do it again, and then again for good measure.

Elevation profile from my Strava depicting bitch slap hill in the middle

11.45 miles. I remember seeing those numbers on my watch and that’s when I had a realization. Tailwind works. No placebo effect, it legitimately keeps you hydrated and consuming a steady supply of electrolytes and calories. Tailwind works. And I know this, because, I didn’t have any, and at 11.45 miles I had to jump over a blow down, and I felt that instant cramp and searing pain in my calf muscle. Previous to this race, I completed a 13.5 mile race with 5600’ of elevation gain, and the 27 mile Boulder Beast with about 5700’ of gain the year before, with a cumulative 15 hours on my feet. I had a steady supply of Tailwind and no cramps, not one. This day turned out to be much different. The latter half of the race devolved into a run-as-much-as-you-can-until-your-legs-nearly-lock-up, and then walk it out. Live-Die-Repeat. My average pace went up about three minutes per mile and the pain in my foot progressed.

Note where may pace became quite erratic and slower in the second half. Tailwind dude. Get you some.

 

Don't hit the trail without it

In the end, if you want to be an endurance runner, you have to be OK with suffering. I was not about to let the course beat me. I was able to manage the pain, and push to the point just before my legs locked up, and then walk it out. I hobbled my way back down the stick of the lollipop until I found my bag. A few deep pulls on the hose and it was empty, a small patch of woods receiving the benefit of my water-electrolyte-calorie-salt amazingness (I guarantee that patch of grass is going to look stellar this spring). It was enough to get me across the finish line and at that point that’s all I wanted.

At this point I was thinking, that step hurt, that step hurt as well.

The next morning I had a sweet bruise on the side of my foot and a decent amount of pain. I quickly thought of going to the Urgent Care and then just as quickly dismissed the idea. I then told the Commander and Southern Discomfort and both ordered me to go to the Urgent Care. I informed them both that I would not go and that was that. So at the Urgent Care they X-Ray'd my foot. Turns out its not broken, just deeply bruised. They told me to stay on crutches for three days, relax and I should be good for the 17 miles of running slated for St. Patrick’s Day.

My dreams of becoming a foot model dashed in 20 miles

Seriously, just check out that bone structure